The tendency to put things into boxes is hard to overcome, even in the most chaotic of circumstances. The universe may have a natural inclination towards chaos and flying apart at the seams but that doesn’t stop us from trying to re-assemble the pieces, to parse things, to place them with like objects.

I’ve spent the last year wandering around Europe and the US writing about poker tournaments. This is my job. This is what I do now.

I’ve lost count of how many people tell me how lucky I am, that I have an amazing job that allows me to travel around the world and write about something I enjoy. As I find myself nodding my head and agreeing, I also want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them. Hard.

I was in Spain when my mother died. I was in Australia, Latvia, Malta, France, England, Ireland, Spain, and Austria when my wife wasn’t. I was everywhere but where I needed to be, when I was needed the most.

The last year broke me in two and I’m still trying fit the pieces back together. Welding them together, in some cases, praying that it’s true that in some cases a good weld is stronger than the original bond.